It's been a while... I feel like I kind of told everyone I was moving, got engaged and then never gave a proper update on life. I have now been, what I call, "proper adulting" for 6 months now, passed my probation at work so now which I am buzzing about, have my own place, trying new hobbies, meeting new people, surviving on my own and have my independence. But there is still something missing... My other half who lives 200 miles away. I don't like to mention him too much on here as this is my blog and it's not his place to be broadcast online, however it would be wrong of me not to address our current situation. If this blog post can help one other person in a similar position then I think I've done my job.
We both started our new careers at a similar time, both relocating to different cities to do so, doing what we love- very lucky considering we are both still very young. We had been together for 5 years, lived together for 2 of those and to go from being together 24/7 to living so far apart was genuinely a terrifying thought. I'm so scared about the unknown and if our relationship would survive, we are both passionate people who are very career driven and know what we want from life, but didn't want our relationship to suffer from it. Not long after I moved, he proposed to me- we would make rough patch of living apart work because, and this is what has been the driving factor for a long distance relationship, this is only temporary.
Sure, there are times where I come home from a great day at work and have no one to share it with, have a crap day and have no body to vent to and give me a cuddle, but we both know that we are in a temporary arrangement and that we will be back together soon. Communication is the most important part of being long distance, then trust and effort following close behind. Let me break it down:
Communication; talk to each other every day. We will always message each other after work and in the evenings to see how our day has been. This is our time where which we can dedicate to each other knowing that we can chat or even phone or Skype if needs be (except I'm a soppy shite who would miss him more by seeing his face on Skype). We prefer to have this particular arrangement so we can work during the day and get excited to talk to each other in the evening.
Trust: If you are worried about them being unfaithful during your long distance then this needs to be addressed before anything. Luckily, I trust my fiancé with all my heart and he proved his commitment to me by putting a ring on it. Make sure the trust is there when they are meeting new people and learning about themselves in a different city.
Effort: It's a 2 way street, make plans to see each other. We try our best to see each other every 2-3 weeks, budget money aside every month to see each other, sometimes we will make specific plans to do stuff in our respective cities whereas others we just enjoy the time we spend chilling on the sofa and getting a takeaway. You begin to count down the days until you see them, make a little list on your phone of things to tell them and funny little stories. Optimism is so important when it comes to long distance.
At the end, a long distance relationship requires effort from both of you. We don't know how long this will be continuing on for, we just know that it is temporary. We consider ourselves lucky that we had the opportunity to live with each other while at uni when I know some of my friends survived long distance relationships at university for 3 years! This is just our time to test us, it will make or break us. It is worrying, but if you want to make it work then it will find a way.
The unknown of when we will be back together again is a scary thought, but always having our next visit to see each other planned is what gets you through, and before you know it you are 6 months into your long distance relationship with your holidays coming up. Booking your leave from work at the same time is another obvious but sometimes overlooked tip as well- spend it with each other. When the time comes, we will live together again; it is very easy for people to say "why don't you just move" or "when is he coming to live up here" and it gets very frustrating when you can't give a straight answer. I could do a whole other blog post about this, but (in short) we live in a society where young people cannot put restrictions in place on each other, for the first time in our lives we are not held to standards of being on the same pedestal as people of the same age as you unlike school or uni- everyone's course of life is different and needs to stop being a comparative competition with certain outcomes of expectation which measure success.
This is just the path that we are going down to get to where life wants us to be. It's just a little bit twisty and turny. Basically, if you want your long distance relationship to work, you will make it work. When you are apart it is the chance to focus on you, your goals and what you specifically want to achieve while apart until you come together again. For me, that's been trying new hobbies and recreational sports which is helping me meet new people. But before you know it, the time will come where you will be together again. Repeat with me, it is only temporary, and be an optimist.
Elisa x
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