So my usual blog posting schedule has kinda stopped working for me now considering that I have gone back to university. I feel like this post is going to be me ranting more than anything, and I just feel like talking now rather than uploading at a set time. A month is a long time, and alot of stuff has happened since I returned from New York. The day after returning I unpacked my case to repack it with all my uni stuff to head back the following day, I threw myself into volunteering Freshers' Week, got to see all my friends again and was introduced to my new MA course. So why was I so unhappy?
The first thing that was constantly on my mind was my relationship. The last month has been fairly rough for me and my partner when it comes to seeing what the future holds for us. It's not something that I want to go into detail about as we like to keep our relationship fairly private; but that was one of the main factors that was constantly playing on my mind throughout September and even now.
Secondly, I had to hide something from people for a good 6 weeks, something that I am able to talk about now. Before I went to New York I applied for a full time job, so I went through the whole of Freshers Week and my course inductions with the possibility of not being able to complete the full year and knowing that I might be leaving uni and all my friends. All this time my life was constantly on hold, being unsure about what the future will hold for me. Sure, the future scares alot of people; especially students, but the waiting game was something that was killing me inside.
I couldn't put my all into everything, I didn't feel obliged to get involved with activities in case I would be leaving. And then my course; I was hoping that starting my course and having something to focus on would be an escapism for me. I was very upset to find out that I would only be in 6 hours a week, two 3 hour lectures on a Wednesday and Friday morning. I'm one of those people who likes to be kept busy because I'm an over thinker. So you can imagine having so much free time on my hands was not good for me. After Freshers week I was so unhappy.
I discovered that I was shortlisted for an interview for the job I applied for, attended the interview and I was very unhappy about the way it went. I then found out that I didn't get the job. Of course I was upset, and I am a big believer in everything happening for a reason. Whatever the outcome was, it was always going to be bittersweet. If I got the job, even though I was sad I would have had to give up my volunteering, my social life, the course that I was slowly beginning to enjoy. On the other hand, If I didn't get it then I would be losing out on a fantastic opportunity. But, like I said, everything happens for a reason. Obviously I was sad and that was the point where I did have a good old cry. But that was when I knew that I can now fix everything back into place and pick myself back up again. You can't let a fall ruin you, you have to just keep going to prove them wrong and become a better version of yourself.
And that's what I have done... I can now make sure that I put my all into my course, feel passionate about the decisions I make and the direction I want my studying to take. I can now also put my all back into volunteering and the societies that I am involved with. And with my spare time, I can now make a decent gym schedule and do some of the classes that my gym offer. And I can enjoy the free time by watching a good film and getting them little nitty gritty jobs done that are always in the back of my mind; embracing the free time that I won't have in a couple of months when I am doing my essays and dissertation work! And I can feel inspired to blog again!
But everyone has their low points, and September has been one for me because my life has been on hold! How have I got through it? I talked to people; my family, my friends- even those who I hardly ever see. I also turned my half empty diary into a bullet journal; on every day I write down one positive thing that I have done and something that has made me happy. That way I realise that my days are productive and that life isn't all that bad. Sure, people have it worse than me, and it may sound like I am moaning about nothing. Everyone is different though, and this was something that made me look at the negatives of my life. But now I have shifted my focus it is time to turn things around, be optimistic again, keep myself busy and enjoy my final year at university (and yes, this will absolutely be my final year at uni)!
The first thing that was constantly on my mind was my relationship. The last month has been fairly rough for me and my partner when it comes to seeing what the future holds for us. It's not something that I want to go into detail about as we like to keep our relationship fairly private; but that was one of the main factors that was constantly playing on my mind throughout September and even now.
Secondly, I had to hide something from people for a good 6 weeks, something that I am able to talk about now. Before I went to New York I applied for a full time job, so I went through the whole of Freshers Week and my course inductions with the possibility of not being able to complete the full year and knowing that I might be leaving uni and all my friends. All this time my life was constantly on hold, being unsure about what the future will hold for me. Sure, the future scares alot of people; especially students, but the waiting game was something that was killing me inside.
I couldn't put my all into everything, I didn't feel obliged to get involved with activities in case I would be leaving. And then my course; I was hoping that starting my course and having something to focus on would be an escapism for me. I was very upset to find out that I would only be in 6 hours a week, two 3 hour lectures on a Wednesday and Friday morning. I'm one of those people who likes to be kept busy because I'm an over thinker. So you can imagine having so much free time on my hands was not good for me. After Freshers week I was so unhappy.
I discovered that I was shortlisted for an interview for the job I applied for, attended the interview and I was very unhappy about the way it went. I then found out that I didn't get the job. Of course I was upset, and I am a big believer in everything happening for a reason. Whatever the outcome was, it was always going to be bittersweet. If I got the job, even though I was sad I would have had to give up my volunteering, my social life, the course that I was slowly beginning to enjoy. On the other hand, If I didn't get it then I would be losing out on a fantastic opportunity. But, like I said, everything happens for a reason. Obviously I was sad and that was the point where I did have a good old cry. But that was when I knew that I can now fix everything back into place and pick myself back up again. You can't let a fall ruin you, you have to just keep going to prove them wrong and become a better version of yourself.
And that's what I have done... I can now make sure that I put my all into my course, feel passionate about the decisions I make and the direction I want my studying to take. I can now also put my all back into volunteering and the societies that I am involved with. And with my spare time, I can now make a decent gym schedule and do some of the classes that my gym offer. And I can enjoy the free time by watching a good film and getting them little nitty gritty jobs done that are always in the back of my mind; embracing the free time that I won't have in a couple of months when I am doing my essays and dissertation work! And I can feel inspired to blog again!
But everyone has their low points, and September has been one for me because my life has been on hold! How have I got through it? I talked to people; my family, my friends- even those who I hardly ever see. I also turned my half empty diary into a bullet journal; on every day I write down one positive thing that I have done and something that has made me happy. That way I realise that my days are productive and that life isn't all that bad. Sure, people have it worse than me, and it may sound like I am moaning about nothing. Everyone is different though, and this was something that made me look at the negatives of my life. But now I have shifted my focus it is time to turn things around, be optimistic again, keep myself busy and enjoy my final year at university (and yes, this will absolutely be my final year at uni)!
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